For many years, and perhaps even still today, women have perceived having children as the natural progression in life, almost an expected obligation. However, as women find their voice over the years, questions arise about whether motherhood is the right path for personal happiness.
The question of whether children make you happier is complex. The simple answer is no, you don't need kids to find happiness or fulfillment. The detailed answer involves various factors such as personal qualities, circumstances, upbringing, socio-economic status, and location.
As someone who wears the hat of a scientist by day and a blogger by night—and yes, also a mother—let's delve into the scientific aspect and my unfiltered, somewhat biased opinion.
Studies suggest that women who intentionally choose not to have children experience a strong sense of individuality, along with increased freedom and control over their lives (1). They often enjoy greater financial stability and less stress (2)– no surprises there!
However, the decision to have kids is nuanced and involves multiple considerations. I've penned an entire blog addressing the top 10 questions to ponder before taking the plunge. While being a mother is exhilarating and arguably the best thing you'll ever do, it is far from stress-free. In fact, parents often undergo a temporary decrease in overall well-being after having children (3).
Factors such as your geographical location play a pivotal role. Residing in a country or environment with a supportive work-family life balance and policies can significantly impact the experience of motherhood. In places like Norway (4) and the Netherlands (where I reside), women often have built-in support systems.
Let's keep it real; parenting is a tough gig—the toughest, in fact. It means working round the clock for years, with zero sick leave or vacation days. However, amidst the challenges, there's an abundance of happiness, joy, laughter, silliness, and fulfillment.
Children have a unique way of turning your day into both the worst and best day of your life. They challenge you, break you, only to rebuild you in the most rewarding way. Through this journey, you discover newfound strength, akin to a mama bear fiercely protecting her cubs.
Ultimately, the decision rests with you, and the happiness that follows hinges on feeling in control during the decision-making process.
However, in my honest opinion, happiness comes from within, as cliché as it may sound.
Find a way hun, to be happy without dependency on your partner, job, family, or children.
Relying on external factors sets the stage for disappointment. No one else can make you happy if you can't find that happiness within yourself, and it's unfair to burden others with that monumental responsibility, especially your kids.
While I acknowledge my bias in believing that having kids brought me happiness, it's crucial to note that this was possible because I knew how to create and cultivate my own happiness independently.
Despite the moments that make me want to pull my hair out, my children have added an unparalleled amount of joy and fulfillment to my life.
And in navigating the journey of parenthood, I've learned that it's okay to seek support, embrace imperfections, and relish in the small, precious moments that make it all worthwhile.
Fifty shades of freedom. Voluntary childlessness as women's ultimate liberation. Helen Peterson.
Pathways to Childlessness and Late-Life outcomes. Pearl A. Dijkstra et al.
Human motives, happiness, and the puzzle of parenthood: Commentary on Kenrick et al.
The Nordic countries - Welfare paradises for Women and Children? Hanne Haavind et al.
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