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The 5-Step Masterplan to Unveil the Hidden 'Mental Load' to Your Partner

Updated: Oct 12, 2023


Mamas, please, gather 'round!


We're about to embark on an epic journey to crack the code of the elusive "mental load" and share its true meaning with your partner. Think of this as your quest for domestic harmony and partnership bliss, the ultimate journey for modern couples.


Step 1: Unleash the mental load mystery

Think of your mental load like a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece represents a responsibility or task that you carry in your mind to keep your family life running smoothly. Some pieces are big and colorful, like remembering important dates or managing the household budget. Others are smaller and less obvious, like planning meals or keeping track of school activities.


Before you can explain this to your husband, you need to take a closer look at your puzzle. Lay out all the pieces on the table and examine them one by one. This introspection is like assembling the edges of the puzzle; it gives you a framework from which to start the conversation.


Once you've fully grasped your mental puzzle, you can share it with your husband. It's like letting him in on the challenge you've been quietly working on all this time. By showing him your puzzle, you're saying, "Here's what's been occupying my mind and energy. Let's work on it together."


Step 2: Blog Lady to the Rescue

Picture this: you and your partner, cozy at the table or on the couch (wherever you two feel comfortable girl😉) having coffee and you are ready to tackle the mental load conversation. You've artfully laid out all your mental load pieces, neatly organized in your brain and ready to be shared.


But here's the twist – you're not diving into a serious talk.

Instead, you're bringing it up casually, like gossiping about a fascinating blog you stumbled upon, like this one 😁.


You might say, "Hey, check out this blog I found about the mental load concept. It's seriously eye-opening!" Just like sharing a juicy story from a magazine or a mind-blowing factoid, you're introducing the topic without making it feel like an intense one-on-one interrogation.


By referring to an external source, you're turning the conversation into a light and friendly chat, as if you're discussing a captivating news article over morning coffee. It's not about 'I' and 'you,' but about exploring a broader concept together.


This approach invites your partner into the discussion gently, making it more relatable and engaging. It's like fitting puzzle pieces together as a team, creating understanding and empathy, one piece at a time, all while having a bit of fun!


Step 3: The Nitty-Gritty Deets

So, you've already introduced the concept of mental load, making the conversation feel open and collaborative. Now, it's time to elaborate on your mental load list. You might start by saying something like, "You know, honey, I feel like I'm running a marathon because I'm juggling work, chores, and the kids."


Break it down in separate parts (cause you know you gotta spell things out for these men sometimes 😏):

  1. The Work Component: My job isn't just about a set number of hours at the office. It involves a lot of mental and emotional energy, meetings, deadlines, and the desire to excel. It's like a demanding race where I need to maintain a certain pace while dealing with various work-related challenges.

  2. The Chores Component: Household tasks, like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and managing our home, form another significant part of my daily routine. It's akin to handling a never-ending to-do list that requires attention and effort day in and day out.

  3. The Kids Component: Parenting is a beautiful yet demanding part of my life. It's like having a dictator, I mean companion😋 in this marathon who needs constant guidance and support. From school commitments to doctor's appointments and helping with homework, it's a continuous journey of nurturing and caring.

You can explain that this marathon you are running doesn't come with a finish line; it's ongoing and can be quite taxing. The mental load feels like carrying extra weight during this race, and at times, it's challenging to keep up the pace.


Make sure to clarifying that this discussion is not about assigning blame or expecting him to take on everything. It's about inviting him to be your partner in this marathon of life. You can support each other, find ways to lighten the load, and make your family life more balanced and fulfilling.

Understanding the various aspects of the mental load helps you work together to find solutions and share responsibilities. It's not about one person carrying it all; it's about building a partnership where you both contribute, making the journey smoother and more enjoyable for both of you.

Step 4: Keep your cool girl!

Now if after all that! Your husband responds with:

" Don't worry about it babe!" or "You worry too much about things".


If your husband didn't respond that way, Congratulations! You have married a unicorn🦄! Feel free to skip this step😜.

If your husband did respond that way, resist the urge to punch him in the face 😂and respond with this gem: "I can't stop worrying about all these things any more than you can't stop wanting to get laid." 🙊 Now, I know it sounds bold, but bear with me – this analogy might just make the light bulb go off in his head!

See, it's all about helping your partner understand how the mental load lingers like an itch that won't go away. Just like how he can't shake off those urges, the mental load sticks to you like glue. It's like having a never-ending to-do list that keeps growing, and you can't switch it off as easily as he can switch off his desires. 😜

And guess what? It worked on my hubby, too! 🎉 Sometimes, a little comparison can put things into perspective. It's not about diminishing his needs, but about highlighting the perpetual nature of your mental load. 💁‍♀️


Step 5: Operation 'Get Your Act Together'

While your hubby or partner is soaking in all this newfound wisdom and personal growth (because, let's face it, they're lucky to have you as their guiding star 🌟).


As they evolve into the ultimate project manager, we've got a few tricks up our sleeves to help make life a breeze for both of you!


📝 Whiteboard Magic: First things first, let's talk about the kitchen, the heart of your home. Why not put up a chic whiteboard near the fridge? It's not just any whiteboard; it's your canvas of culinary creation! Scribble down grocery lists, meal plans, or sweet love notes. It's like having your very own recipe for happiness right there!


🗓️ Google Calendar Awesomeness: You know how it goes – you've got a million things on your plate, and sometimes things slip your mind. Well, fret no more! Share a Google calendar with your partner, complete with colorful events and reminders. It's like having a virtual secretary that keeps both of you in the loop and ready to conquer the world!


🌞 Routines for Tiny Tornadoes: Ah, the kiddos – little bundles of chaos and joy. Let's create some rock-solid routines for their mornings and bedtime. Picture this: mornings where they know exactly what to do, and evenings that are as peaceful as a spa day! Plus, these routines give you a breather to indulge in some well-deserved "me time" while your partner takes the lead.

By setting up these secret weapons around your home, you're not just lightening the load – you're turning your domestic space into a powerhouse of organization and efficiency.


There you have it, the fantastic five-step plan to make sharing the mental load a thrilling adventure for you and your partner. Time to conquer the world (or at least your household) together! 🚀💪

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About Me

Hello, I'm Raissa Davis, a proud mom of two wonderful little boys. I started the "Give Yourself Grace Mama" community with the aim of bringing together mothers who, like me, are navigating the highs and lows of motherhood and parenting.

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